Lullabies for tomorrow
A daughter is born. A father holds the baby's hand in his, promising to give her the best education, to nurture her impulse to achieve and to stand by her dreams. The baby, eyes drowsy, is placed in a cradle and rocked to sleep with these words...
"Beautiful anklets adorning your feet, Eyes lined with Kohl.
Graceful and Coy; The Lord shall come to take your hand."
A son is born. A father holds the baby's hand in his, promising the best of the world to him, promising to make him a brave man, to nurture his desires and strengthen his resolve to achieve. The baby, eyes drowsy, is placed in a cradle and rocked to sleep with these words...
"Brave and righteous you are. Bow and arrow in Hand, destroyer of evil.
Look at those majestic feet; Stepping into the world, head held high."
Every night as they fall asleep, little boys are sung 'traditional' songs of bravery, of being leaders and being the king; while girls are cuddled into thoughts of the celestials bowing down to her. Boys have heard no songs of brave women, and somewhere into a girl child's lullaby is a verse that equates humility to submission. And the seed to a certain notion of an 'ideal man' or 'ideal woman' has been laid.
Today, as women make apparent great strides in every walk of life, discovering their potential in multiple spheres, one may wonder if patriarchal norms of subservient women have vanished. May be the time has come for equal opportunity and mutual respect between the genders. But we are quick to recover from such fantasies. Everyone knows that such a time remains a Utopian construct, not reality. In the real world, across different social and economic strata, women continue to face restrictions, some of which have been normalised to the extent that we don't even recognise them as restrictions. Very few are able to break such restrictive norms.
But are we not changing for the better, empowering our daughters and enabling them to chase their dreams? The uncomfortable truth however, is that even in cases where women have achieved a great deal in the public sphere, it has not been an easy stride. On one hand, daughters are empowered with an education on par with boys and are encouraged to nurture their ambitions, for there is pride in daughters becoming leaders, successful entrepreneurs, leading surgeons, respected academicians and more. But on the other hand are cruel distortions to their dreams- passive voices that speak a very different language. In carrying forth songs, stories and poems from a yesterday that envisioned a stereotypical gender role, there is a huge disconnect between our hopes for our daughters and the passive voices that pull her into a shell. While the disconnect eventually becomes apparent for the daughter, our sons grow up oblivious to even the outward encouragement that daughters are provided. Years of conditioning will only reiterate stereotypical notions of gender roles to him.
How confusing then for the world at large to accept a girl who does not submit. How confusing then for the world to acknowledge at free will that a woman leads, not in subservience. For a world that cannot even accept or acknowledge a woman's prowess, we are far from having her back. On the face of it, women may stand shoulder to shoulder with men, slowly but steadily gaining foothold in male-dominated public life, becoming financially independent and empowered. But that is of course the face of it- a face that has been painted from a colourful palette so that we don't see beyond it!
But we should see beyond if we are to snap out of this stupor. Women continue to strive, in spite of the odds stacked against them. Women continue to heed to the call of ambition over the noise of those pulling her down. Women continue to work hard and pull themselves up, beyond judgements of aggression. But the world that we create with such a struggle can never be a haven of peace nor one that nurtures joy. It is one that breeds contempt and unhappiness- for all. And beyond all our ambitions, sensibilities and perceptions, is a yearning for peace and joy - whether you are a man or a woman. So how do we get there? The only way forward is to go back to where it all begins. Because we must take one baby step at a time towards realising a dream of an equal world. Or we will be guilty of nurturing a system that is disruptive of our dreams.
It is time to re-write those lullabies. It is time to re-write those bed-time stories. One hears arguments that traditional songs and lullabies have been handed down several generations and we will lose a part of our cultural wealth if we were to discard them. That is true- if the poetry holds value in being relevant to all times; in other words being 'classic', then it is our responsibility to hold on to these snippets from the past that have fallen into our hands. But we do a disservice to ourselves by holding on to fragments that do not serve us anymore. Yes, the world is changing, and it is our responsibility to fuel the change for the better. And we must continuously remind ourselves- the songs that have been handed down to us are not frozen in a time warp, neither are they etched in stone from a time gone by. Every song has been moulded in the hands of each generation. Every parent or grandparent that sang these songs and told these stories coloured them with their thoughts. These songs are here with us today. Why don't we give these 'traditional songs' some colour that suits our growth!
Will you sing a song of a brave woman to your son? Will you tell him stories of Gargi and Mytreyi? Will you introduce him to Janabai and Kalpana Chawla? Will you teach him about Akka Mahadevi and Thimmakka? Will you sing praises of Kiran Bedi and Rukhmabai? Will you sensitise him to the world that was for generations before him and a different world that he will step into? Will you sing to your daughter about her strengths- physical, mental and emotional? Will you sing to her about leading the country? Will you sing songs of kindness and not about submitting to a 'lord'? Will you tell her stories of a yesterday that may have been cruel -ones she must not fall prey to?
The passive voices of song and dance have an indelible impression on a child's mind that we often underestimate. It is in infancy, through the years of childhood and beyond that every parent can create bubbles of an ideal tomorrow where equality is a reality. We then have a chance at being an empathetic community of men and women, supporting and respecting each other.
The baby, eyes drowsy, is placed in a cradle and rocked to sleep with these words...
"Brave and righteous you are.
Ruler of the three worlds, destroyer of evil."
These are mere beginnings of course. Every step we take afterward will need a conscious understanding of our intentions and conditioning. From this understanding will arise an undoing that will open our cages.
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